You wouldn’t necessarily take a look at me and say, ‘that guy likes to eat.’  The fact is, though I weigh only about 135 pounds, I DO like to eat! Those buffet places laugh when I walk in and then watch in amazement as I go BACK AGAIN and AGAIN.

When I heard about this food challenge that people can take on in Downtown Loveland, I said, ‘challenge, accepted!’

MOAB Burrito
Todd Harding, TSM

At Cactus Grille in Downtown Loveland, they have a food challenge: Eating an entire M.O.A.B (Mother of All Burritos) burrito, side fixings included, in under 11 minutes. I heard about it and talked co-worker Todd Harding from K99 to join me (technically, I thought the challenge was a 2-person challenge before we arrived.)

Todd and I got to Cactus Grille right when they opened on a beautiful Thursday. We told them that we were from the radio stations TRI 102.5 and K99 and were there to take down their silly burrito challenge. ‘Whoah, fellas, it’s a one-person challenge.’ ‘Ohhhhh, that IS different than what we planned… Well, we’ll give a go, anyhow! Bring it on!’

They described the burrito- it’s a FIVE-pound entree with just about everything you could imagine (beans, rice, chicken, pork, steak, rice, jalapenos, etc) wrapped inside TWO tortillas, with our choice of mild or hot chile on top. We opted for mild; no need to go crazy.

About 10 minutes later, Todd’s eyes got VERY wide. I had had my back to the kitchen, so unlike Todd, I didn’t see the burritos coming. I was surprised it didn’t take the whole staff to deliver these PLATTERS of burrito! The M.O.A.B is HUGE! On that plate rested the BIGGEST burrito I had ever seen! I’m sure that I looked like a deer in headlights as our server set mine down. It reminded me of a small loaf of bread. A loaf of bread that weighs five pounds. I knew then, that the next 11 minutes were going to take me on a ride I hadn’t bought a ticket for. Hang on, Buddy!

I looked at Todd, he looked at me. Confidence was in neither of our eyes; but we had said we’d take the M.O.A.B down, so….‘Go!’ our server yelled, as the clock started counting down.

MY strategy was to cut that sucker up into sections and then start at getting it in my belly. That ‘sectioning’ alone, took me 2 minutes! I kept shouting ‘Time!’ as we were eating- as if we really had a chance and needed to know how close we were. I looked over at Todd, he looked over at me. He seemed to be further along, but there was no way that either of us would finish- in the allotted time.. or that day.

People, the plate had French fries! Good grief! A 5-pound burrito AND French fries? Who WAS this person who had cleaned his M.O.A.B plate in under 11 minutes?? I was flailing in a sea of Mexican delight. It was delicious, but the more I ate, the more there seemed to be!

Finally- ‘5-4-3-2-1.Time!’ The challenge was over.

Disappointment rushed over me. And bloating. I was bummed and gassy. I was also ready for a nap. Wow. Just, wow. What an experience.

They were kind enough to give us a hat and a shirt for at least TRYING to take down the M.O.A.B.- I do appreciate that. Thanks also go out to our Digital Managing Editor Kirby Kimble for filming and editing our attempt!

You should try it! I emphasize TRY.

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